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:: Thursday, August 21, 2003 ::

Guide to fiscally responsible drinking over a weekend:

At about 8 pm on Friday, take all of the money out of your wallet. Clear out all of the receipts.

Go to ATM, take out $100 dollars.

Go drinking. Have fun. If you buy anything w/ a credit card, keep the receipt. If you run a tab, get a receipt.

Wake up, shake off hangover.

Empty wallet and coins from your pants.

On pad, write down how you got places. Did you go to a borough? Did you take the subway or cab it? Think of the times you were in a cab and multiply by two b/c once you start, you keep taking them. How much did all this travelling cost?

Try to think if you did anything stupid, like go to Atlantic City or the Oak Room for drinks. If you did, this simple guide may not help.

Did you chow down the night before? If so what? If you have a receipt for food, did you split it with anyone? If it's below $20, you probably didn't. If it's more than $20, hope you did.

Take the first ATM receipt, and any others from through out the night; add them together. First subtract any money left over (highly improbably), including any bastard coins you got because the bar insisted on charging $4.50 per drink and $0.50 tip is not enough and $1.50 is too damn much. (If you stayed at a place all night and had $4.50 beers, you can easily figure out how much you drank by dividing the number of dollars in quarters you have by two). Then subtract transportation (PATH, subway, cabs), food (unless it's on a credit card) and any cover charges.

This is the amount most probably spent on drinks. Divide by $5 to get an approximate amount of drinks. Does this amount make sense? Or did you get drunk, think you were smooth and buy someone a drink?

If you know you were drinking scotch or mixed drinks along with beer, divide the amount by $7.50. If you were just drinking scotch, divide by $10.

With the number of drinks you had in hand, divide the grand total (transportation, cover charges, food, etc.) by this number. This is the amount you spent per beer the night before. Now add about $10 for the large hangover breakfast and about $8 for coffee, water and gatorade. Add this to the grand total from the night before and once again divide by the approximated number of drinks you had. This is what each drink actually costs.

You spent too much per beer. Think about it, regret it. Then clear out your wallet of all money and receipts and go to the ATM...

Later.
:: Matthew 9:19 AM [+]    ::
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